Yesterday, justice was served after Derek Chauvin was charged with
second degree murder. Hopefully, this would mean that Americans are heading on the road towards healing and rebuilding their country. However, for Canadians and for Torontonians,
we are still in the middle of this movement, because of the death of
Regis Korchinski-Paquet. People are going on the streets demanding justice
being served. But what is justice in this case? Does it mean that the policemen
involved in Regis's case should be charged with her murder? If she were white,
or looks white, would police have handled it differently? If she were white,
would she have reacted differently to police's intervention? Does race play a
part in this? As someone who is a minority, who has a mental illness, who has
been suicidal, who has fallen from a balcony, who has witnessed how a police
handled a crisis situation, I would like to offer some insights.
In March, 2018, I was helping a
family friend with his mental illness crisis. I wrote about it here. In short, my friend had an acute
episode of manic depression. He had not been sleeping well for months. Prior to
his acute episode, he was a "perfectly happy person", you would never
imagine that "he would do something like this". (These were also the
exact words that one of Regis' friends described her in an interview.) When we
went to my friend's condo, his mom was there to take us to him. I had not seen
him for months, right away, I felt like this was a completely different person.
He looked really mean. I said to him, "I think you should go to the
hospital. I know how you feel right now, you need treatment." As expected,
he refused, and said something like, "I'd rather die than going to a
hospital." Which I could relate, when I was acutely suicidal, I said
something along that line. After paramedic showed up, he started to argue with
them and refused to go into the ambulance. The paramedic then called the
police. By that time, we had caused a lot of commotions in the condo lobby,
many people were staring at us. When the cops showed up, perhaps he was
embarrassed and knew that he could not resist anymore, he got up right away and
walked into the ambulance. Then, one of the cops said to me, "when cops
are called, the protocol is to handcuff the person and take them to the
hospital in a police vehicle, but since he is very compliant, he can take the
ambulance and I will accompany him." The two cops stayed with my friend in
the waiting area for 2 hours until it was his turn to see the doctor. They
played a huge role in successfully admitting him and keeping him safe. My friend
is now back to himself, he is "happy and functional". Anyway, the
highlight of this incidence is, when cops are called during a mental health
crisis, the protocol is to handcuff the person, because they could be a real
danger to themselves and to the people around them. The other time, when I was
in the emergency room, I saw a girl brought in by cops in handcuffs. Right
away, I could tell that she was manic. She was incredibly difficult to
restrain.
When someone is acutely
suicidal, manic, or mentally ill in other ways, how they think, how interpret
and react to situations can be very ill and abnormal. We cannot use logic to
explain why they do what they do. Self-harm is already a "crazy"
mentality, why would anyone want to hurt and kill themselves? It's against
human nature. In the case of Regis, what exactly happened on that day from the
police's angle was not revealed (yet). What we know is that, she was
experiencing a mental health crisis at the time. Her mom called because they
were in a heated argument and she wanted the police to take her to Centre for
Addiction and Mental Health. When the police showed up and attempted to
"take her away". She must have resisted instinctively. Police
prevented her family from entering the room because no one would want to see
their child being handcuffed against their will. Since the family was not
allowed to enter the room, they could only hear Regis screamed, "Mom,
help! Mom, help!" Understandably, one could assume that some kind of
"violence" or "police brutality" were experienced by her.
Bad cops killing black lives must also play a role in aggravating Regis' fear
when she was alone with the policemen. She then barricaded herself in the
balcony and attempted to climb to her neighbor's balcony, which ended with her fatal
fall. The act of climbing out of the balcony was definitely a poor judgment clouded by her emotions at that moment and most importantly, her mental
illness. Had she knew that the cops were taking her to treatment that would
ultimately bring her back to health, she would not have resisted what she
thought was an arrest. From the family's standpoint, I can relate to how
devastated they feel and how much anger they have towards the policemen. The
training they received was not adequate for that situation. They obviously screwed
up and handled the situation tragically. However, accusing them of being the
sole cause of her death, implying that they might have pushed her off the
balcony, or charging them with murder, was a stretch. In my opinion, this is different from the case of Sammy Yatim in 2013, where the police officer shot him 8 times and was the direct cause of his death.
In my opinion, this is also different from the case of George Floyd. The cops in Regis' case were intent to
help and to save her life. However, the two incidence tragically happened
around the same time. And they also took place during the Pandemic, where
people had been depressed and angry for a while. But we are not in the
U.S., we don't have Donald Trump as the lead bully. We don't have cops killing
black people as a "norm" here. Though I know racism still exists, I
am a minority myself, we live in a society that cultivates kindness and
inclusiveness. Like many, I am really concerned about where this protest will
lead to. I am afraid by the possibility of violence and riots. I am afraid that
when people are not satisfied by the charges, more protests will begin. What
will make it end?
Let's pray for the healing of Regis' family. Let's pray that the movement
will only lead to peace and union. Let's pray that our recovery from the
Pandemic will not be affected and delayed.
The movie Contagion is
trending right now. I saw it in the theater when it first came out. I didn’t
really like it at the time. It was a bit boring compared to other apocalyptic
movies. But when I watched it again just now, it was really captivating even
though I still remember the plot and ending. ABC News had a segment on this,
trying to identify the facts and fictions in this movie. It turned out that most
things are fair games: the mass causality, the sacrifice of health care workers,
the riot and violence, etc. But the only fictional part in the movie is that “vaccines
cannot be developed in such short amount of time”.
No one actually knows how many people will be
killed in this “war”. The social and economic chaos will cause even more dire
and lasting damages than the virus itself. Most
of the articles I wrote within these 1-2 weeks are no longer meaningful. The “hopes”
and “good news” that I tried to give are no longer applicable. For example, the
experimental drug Remdesivir is not as
effective as previously believed; Taiwan is no longer in a comfortable position
as thousands of citizens are returning from abroad; China’s second surge is on
the horizon as the country is rebooting its economy. I
saw a video of a woman in China crying “I will never see him again!” as she was
clinging onto the back of a vehicle containing her husband’s body. It was absolutely
heart broken. Besides feeling sad for her, I also felt sad for the fact that
for many people like her, death was believed to be the end. That video prompted
me to write this article, probably the last article on Covid19. But
the Hope and Good News that I am offering in this article will not expire.
As I was brainstorming about this article, I
remember something that I wrote three years ago. In September 2017, I was a
volunteer at my church’s Alpha program (a program for people who are exploring
Christianity). During our first session, I was sitting beside an 80-years-old
Japanese man. His name is Toyo. He is a University professor. He has published
many books on Suicides. He’s an expert in that field and he is quite famous in
Japan. He came to Alpha as a “scientist”. On his second session, he gave me a
piece of paper with 5 questions, two of them being, “What are the definitive scientific
proofs of God’s existence?” and “Why is there so much suffering in the world?”
These two questions are probably in your mind as well. I tried to answer them
by saying:
“If there are definitive scientific
proofs that God exists, then “whether or not God exists” would not have been an
endless debate lasting for centuries. If we have definitive scientific proofs,
then we would not have religious divisions in the world. We would not have
atheists in the world. There is no definitive scientific proof that God exists,
there is only evidence of His existence. Whether or not, these evidences are
convincing enough, it’s up to that individual.
Jesus
was born 2000 years ago. There were no pictures of him and no videos of him.
But we have testimonies from people in his life and eye witnesses of his
resurrection documented in the bible. If these “evidence” are not convincing
enough, then for some people, I guess no amount of scientific evidence is enough
unless Jesus Christ is standing right in front of them. But for many of us, 2.2
billion Christians around the world, we really don’t need to see Jesus Christ
in person to believe in his existence. We believe in him because all the
evidences in our own life, we believe in God when we see lives being created,
restored, and changed through faith in Him. To us, these evidences are qualified as “proofs”.
Christianity is based on Faith. “Faith is confidence in what we hope for and
assurance about what we do not see (Hebrew 11:1)”.
But if
there is a God, then why is there so much suffering in the world?
I heard this great parable about a
priest getting a haircut at a barbershop. The barber asked the priest, “Look at
all the violence in the world, natural disasters and people dying. Where is God
in the midst of these? Does God even exist?” The priest walked out of the
barbershop and found a beggar on the street, he was all hairy, his beard was
really long and messy. The priest brought the beggar into the barbershop and
said, “there is no barber in this world.”
Do you have one of these smart phones
that people use all the time? 10 years ago, the invention of iPhone by Steve
Jobs changed the world. From then on, a cellphone not only makes phone calls,
it is a mini computer, it can do everything. Now, if I tell you that something
so smart, so innovative, and so technically advanced just came out of nowhere,
it came to its own existence without a creator, would you believe that? Of
course no, Steve Jobs was its creator. When we drop our iPhone in the toilet,
when we break its screen or when it’s lost, do we blame Steve Jobs for it?
Our world and our universe are so
intricate, so smart and so complicated. To me, the birth of an infant is a
miracle, when a tiny egg and a tiny sperm combines together, a life is created,
a child is born and it has the potential to grow into a 6-feet tall person. Yet
the person originated from two tiny sperm and egg. The hairs on our head, eye
lashes, eye brows, they all play different roles, the brows absorb and channel
away sweats so they don’t fall into our eyes. Our hairs always grow but our
lashes don’t, otherwise they will block our vision. The universe has infinite
number of stars, planets, solar systems and galaxies, who set all of them in
motion? Do you know that if the sun were 1 meter closer to the earth, we would
have all been burnt to death, life would not have been possible in the first
place? What about the snowflakes under microscope, they are all uniquely
beautiful. I am a woman of Science. I believe in Evolution, I have a good
understanding of Natural Selection, Survival of the Fittest, and the fact that
animals and plants will adapt to different environments by modifying their
features and appearances. But I don’t believe Evolution is anti-Creation. I
think that when God designed a life, He made it adaptable and flexible. Just
like the iPhone, it is programmed to receive an upgrade every once in a while in
order for it to perform better.
I believe that Science and God are not
contradicting. Science provides an explanation, a window into God’s mechanisms.
Stephen Hawkins once said, "Before we understood
science, it was natural to believe that God created the universe, but now
science offers a more convincing explanation."When you use a microscope to examine a
tiny cell, when you use a telescope to look beyond our galaxy, you will be marveled
by how smart the designer is. I believe that there is a God behind all
creations, but similar to a broken iPhone, when the world goes wrong, can we
blame our creator?
Why is there so much suffering in this
world right now? Jesus’s answer to this question is, “this world is temporary”.
The Book of Revelation says that on the last days, there will be so many natural
disasters, plagues, wild fires, earth quakes, wars and rumours of wars. It’s
like a woman about to give birth, the earth will experience excruciating amount
of pain, but when Jesus returns, it’s like a child being born, the joy of a
newborn will make the woman forget about her suffering just moments ago. Have
you witnessed how a real Christian deals with their suffering and lost? My favorite
pastor Greg Laurie from Harvest Ministry lost his 28-year old son in a
motorcycle collision. He was devastated, for a while he was mad at God. But it
was through the lost of his son that he was able to minister to other parents
who have lost a child. He soon found a divine reason for his lost. And because
he has faith in God and the hope of Heaven, he is sure that he will see his son
again. That gives him strength to overcome his lost.
Jesus spent 1/3 of his ministry talking
about Heaven and his second coming. The entire bible devotes a great amount of
text and prophecies on God’s judgment day and the end of the world. As
Christians, our hope is not in this life, a finite amount of time that is too
short compared to eternity in Heaven. This might sound like a fairy tale to
unbelievers, it was ridiculous to me before. But now, Why don’t I want to
believe in Heaven? Why would anyone rather believe that death is the end? How
can anyone prove that death is the end, they would have to die to find out for
real, right?
Though I cannot definitively prove that
there is heaven, there are evidences of heaven provided by people who have
actually gone to heaven, or have had those near death experience. Working at a
hospital with people who had traumatic injuries, I have 4 friends who had that
near dead experience. I believe in them, because they have all been transformed
by that experience. Though all of them are living with different degrees of
physical disabilities, the fact that they saw God and Heaven gave them hope to endure
the suffering in this life.
That was part of my 8-page
answers to his questions, but I doubt if he actually read it all. By the end of
the Alpha program, he was still “searching”. But many months later, my friend
told me that she saw Toyo coming to the service every Sunday and sometime he
even went up to the front to ask for prayers. I don’t think he believed because
he found his answers about God through logic and reasons. He simply gave God a chance
with his blind faith, however small it was.
I thought it was God’s arrangement
for me to sit next to Toyo. We broke the ice real quick when I told him that I
am in a wheelchair because of a suicidal attempt. When I was 18 years old, I started
to experience my first clinical episode of bipolar disorder. Not knowing anything
about mental illness, I was untreated. Without sleep for 2 months, I was
completely insane and suicidal. I tried to commit suicide by jumping off my
condo’s balcony from the 8th floor. Miraculously, I survived. But
because of a spinal cord injury, I have been using a wheelchair since. I am now
35 years old, I have never been happier and joyful in my life. The source of my
hope is Jesus. My parent and I were hard core atheists before, but my injury
humbled us and opened our eyes to the existence of God and His Grace. It was at
that darkest period in our lives, when we were dealing with death, that we
found our hope. You can read a full version of my story here:
I used to have phobias for
many things as someone who lives with an untreated mental illness. I used to
have a phobia for death. It’s actually a real condition like when people are
afraid of height and closed space. It would trigger a panic attack when I thought
about Death. But being a Christian has completely transformed me and healed me.
My faith in Christ has totally eliminated that fear for death. Surely, I will still
dread the process of dying, but death itself has been replaced by the hope of
life, life eternally.
I am sure you have been preached on by someone
before: a small pamphlet stretched out to you from a stranger, a friend that
once invited you to their church, or a miraculous story that you heard before.
At the time, you might not think that they meant nothing. You were too busy to
pursue your goals in life, and you had too much to give up for. Now that everything
people built their hopes on has failed rather quickly, everything is placed on
hold, even Sin City has turned its lights off, will you spend some time revisiting
the idea?
If you read this article
before the pandemic, you probably would not have made it this far. But now, considered
the circumstances, will you give God a chance? Will you explore the possibility
of His existence? Will you do some Googling on real scientific evidences of a
historical Jesus? Will you start seeking with an open heart and mind? The
fatality rate of LIFE is 100% anyway. Perhaps, this ordeal prompts us to think
about our inevitable death now rather than later.
Here are some additional
resources for you to get started:
3)You can also
follow Greg Laurie’s Ministry. His teaching is always interesting, practical
and timely. His viewers have quadrupled in the past two weeks. https://www.youtube.com/user/HarvestTV
The caption
of this photo is: On the Plane Back to China. It’s probably not a joke or sarcasm.
Ironically, most of the recent cases in China are people returning to China
from other hot zones in the world. One of the reasons for these people to go back is that they
want to be surrounded by others who wear masks.
I was
watching CTV news, ABC news and Inside Edition for 1.5 hours last night. I counted
it, aside from frontline health care workers, there were less than 10 civilians
wearing masks. A woman in wheelchair was wearing a mask, so was the person who
was pushing her. Demi Lavato was wearing a mask and a pair of gloves. The rest
were people who got off the plane from a hot zone. Some of them were wearing a see-through
mask. Some didn’t have their nose covered. When being interviewed, one man took
off his mask. None of the big-shot politicians and doctors wore a mask! But if
you watch an Asian news program, the only people who don’t wear mask are
commentators and news anchors inside a studio.
The health
experts in the West have mentioned several times that, “there is no scientific
evidence that wearing a mask would protect you from getting Covid-19.” Is it
really true though? Do we really need to involve science in this? If a
mask can effectively prevent a sick person’s spit from spraying into their surroundings,
it can also protect a healthy person from being sprayed on. We have all seen
demonstrations of how far a person’s spit can reach when they sneeze, if we
have our nose, mouth and even our eyes covered before these viral spits blowing
toward us like a hurricane, we can definitely be spared during that fateful moment. Isn’t
this more of a common sense than a science experiment? And if you want some scientific
proof, there was a previous case where people who were in the same elevator
with an infected person, only the ones that wore a mask didn’t come down with the
infection. By wearing a mask, the control over our own safety is in our court,
we don’t have to rely on the mercy of a sick person to put on a mask.
I think that
the professionals are not pushing for mask wearing is because we simply don’t
have enough masks for everyone. And it’s true that we do have to put the safety
of our frontline health care workers first. The shortage of masks and
protective gears for them would paralyze the health care system. Therefore, for
us regular people, we have to come up with creative ways to make our own masks.
And really, the function of a mask is to cover our nose and mouth yet still giving
us the ability to breath. Here are some examples by Chinese people who were dealing
with the same problem a few months ago.
Plastic bottle,
pomelo peel, grapefruit peel, pads, diapers, etc, etc. WHO CARES?! The plastic
bottle also prevents you from touching your face! We are trying to survive; no
one judges our appearance now. Besides,
no one knows who’s actually behind the “masks”. Be inspired by that man who put on a menstrual
pad on his face, put down our dignity and pride. At this day and age, I’d rather be in the same
elevator with a weirdo looking like that than a mask-less and shirtless Chris Hemsworth. But all jokes aside, you can search for "how to make your own mask" on YouTube for DYI masks that are pretty damn close to the real thing. Bottom line is, it's better than nothing!
Going back
to the first photo on that airplane. What else do you notice? People also DYI
their protective eye wears and gowns. Apparently, spits can also get into
people’s eyes. We went insane after toilet papers. Let’s use the same enthusiasm,
passion and aggression to take care of other holes by covering them up in
public, if you must go out in public. They are the holes that actually matter in combatting Covid-19.
China claimed to have obtained controls over the outbreak as
President Xi visited Wuhan two days ago. It was interpreted as a sign that the
outbreak had reached a turning point, allegedly. Though many are skeptical
saying the number of China’s new cases are abnormally low, most experts agree
that China’s strict quarantine measures are effective in combating Covid-19. In
reality, the only two means to combat an infectious disease are vaccines and quarantine.
We are still very far from having a vaccine for Covid-19. Therefore, quarantine
is the only viable solution. Perhaps the rest of the world should start
planning the same.
The first city to be quarantined was of course Wuhan. Because
it had never been done before, it was poorly planned. The news was announced 8
hours ahead of the lockdown, during which over 300,000 people fled the city
instinctively. Later on, most of these people wanted to come back because they were
unable to find or afford a long-term place to stay and many of them were
discriminated in other parts of the country. People remained in Wuhan were in
panic and chaos for the weeks to come. Footages of a ghost town were almost impossible
to believe that this was China’s second biggest city. The lineups of people seeking
for medical treatment were horrifying. When the quarantine camps were built to accommodate
thousands of sick people, we saw videos of them being dragged out of their home
by policemen. At the time, there were rumors that these people would never get
out of it alive, or the condition of the camps was like a “concentration camp”.
But after a week of improvement, people with mild symptoms actually wanted to
go to the quarantine camps --- they were able to separate themselves from their
healthy family members; the food were free and its quality and varieties were
better than what others had at home; there were group therapies and exercise sessions
scheduled each day; a library with books to borrow, a picture of a good-looking
young man reading attentively went viral; another young man even
found a girlfriend in there, they were hitched by his "father-in-law" who was his next bed neighbor; and best of all, no more chores. On the other hand, for people whose conditions were
severe, they were admitted into the two new hospitals that have 2600 beds in
total. These hospitals are staffed by military doctors and nurses. Eventually,
Wuhan was able to put its population into three different zones: the health
ones are at home, the mild cases are at camps and the severe ones are in
hospitals. It took a great amount of effort and time to separate them. And of
course, the plan was not “perfect”. Many healthy people who were confined in
their home suffered a lot for not having enough food. Their mental health was
also poor as they were constantly living in fears and uncertainties. However,
it was what needed to be done to contain the outbreak.
The second city under lockdown was Wenzhou. It had the most
number of people coming from Wuhan. The quarantine was not pre-announced.
People in Wenzhou are different from the rest of the country. They are known to
be more united and loyal to their group. When the lockdown first happened,
there was a riot attempting to break the barricades. I guess it’s a human nature
to resist quarantines even though it also blocks sick people from entering
their city. Shortly after that, 66 more cities were under lockdown. We were so
worried at that time because my native city Fuzhou was among them. I called my
cousins to find out how they cope. Surprisingly, they were calm and said that
it was a precautionary measure. Everyone was asked to stay home. One family
could only send one person to buy food. They were given 3 permits per week to
leave the condo building. Some areas had a time limit on how soon they had to
return. Temperatures were taken at the gatehouse and in front of the grocery
store. If there was a confirmed case in the building, no one could leave at all.
Their building managers were in charge of buying groceries in bulk and delivering
them to their door. Everyone who is out in the public must wear mask at all
time. If not, they would be disciplined. People are not allowed to even play
Mahjong with their next door neighbors. They have to surrender one of the Mahjong
cards so they don’t have a complete set to play with. The police department used
drones to patrol the neighborhood. If they saw anyone socializing with others,
or anyone without mask, they would make their warnings loud and clear through
the drone’s speaker. Aside from grocery stores and pharmacies, no other businesses were allowed to open.
There was a post on WeChat that justified and explained this
strict quarantine measure to citizens in China. It went like this: People can
be divided into four groups:
Group A: people who have contracted Covid-19
Group B: people who have been in close contact with a confirmed case,
such as family members and friends.
Group C: people who have been in contact with a confirmed case but not
knowing it.
Group D: healthy people
People in A and B are already identified and they are under quarantine
or treatment. The challenge is to identify people in Group C and prevent them
from infecting Group D. Therefore, if everyone is under quarantine for at least
2 weeks, people in Group C who have contracted the virus will surface after the
incubation period is over. They will then be placed under quarantine/treatment.
This plain language concept was widely shared on social media to persuade
people across the country to stick to the rules.
Right now, China is planning to reopen everything, possibly including
Wuhan. The economy will crush if people are still at home. Majority of them
want to go back to work as they don’t have enough savings to last any longer. There are even speculations that the official numbers are fake because the government needs people to go back to work. This is a gamble for President Xi. Will the outbreak take another turn for the worse
as people are gathering again? By this time, everyone in China is an expert on
Covid-19. Hopefully, they will do better to protect themselves and their loved
ones. One thing for sure, they will be wearing masks.
Can China’s quarantine measures be used in other countries? Can people obey
and submit to their government like people in Asian cultures do (or you can go ahead and say, people under the Communist Regime)? Is it really hard
to pause everything and demand everyone to stay indoor for at least 14 days?
Personally speaking, I don’t mind. I had a bad flu in January and I stayed at
home for almost 2 weeks. And since the outbreak started, I have not seen my closest
friends since New Year’s Eve. It’s not too hard when there is enough
entertainment and food around. It’s not too hard when you don’t have a choice.
I am using this poster
from a Korean movie called Train to Busan. It's a real masterpiece. Unlike
other movies of Zombie Apocalypse, this is not just an action film. It's not
about killing zombies, it's more about how the goodness and evilness in people
are amplified during an apocalyptic event. In reality, there are people who are
more scary than zombies.
Wuhan’s
Quarantine
January 19th,
it couldn’t be any more ordinary. People went to work, went to school; others were
shopping, getting their hair done, making reservations and planning parties for
the Lunar New Year. The traffic was as congested as ever. The street was
crowded as usual. Though people heard about some kind of disease from here and
there, Wuhan is a city of 10-14 million people, who would care about a few
dozen cases? No one wore mask.
January 20th,
people suddenly received alarming messages through social media and TV
broadcast asking them to prepare for a potential outbreak. They immediately
received notices that schools are closed and people should avoid going to
public places. People started to search for more information. Photos and videos
circulating on social media caused a lot of confusion and panic.
January 21st
and 22nd , grocery stores were as chaotic as you could imagine. All
masks, sanitizers and robbing alcohols were sold out in minutes.
January 23rd
at 2am, Wuhan’s official Sina account (like Twitter) announced that they will
quarantine the city. That’s when people truly understand the severity of this
outbreak. People try to decide what to do. Some people intuitively fled the
city, some did not know where to go, a few had a glimpse of hope that it wasn’t
that bad and the rest, they were asleep.
January 23rd
at 10am, all measures of the quarantine were implemented. The city became an
island. All public transportation grounded. All exits out of the city were
barricaded. Parts of the highway were demolished. But before that, 300,000+
people fled the city during those eight hours. Wuhan is the second biggest city
in China. It has 1.5 million students and 2 million labors from other
provinces. Those non-locals had gone home in early January, weeks before the
quarantine. Therefore, most of the 5 million people were “innocent”. They didn’t
know they were potential carriers.
Day
14
I have been following
3 Vloggers who live in Wuhan. They are regular civilians chronicling what life
is like inside the quarantined city. People would only go out to buy food and
usually it’s the husband that goes out because they only have a few masks left.
One man almost couldn’t recognize his neighborhood, for one minute he was lost
because the deserted street looked very different now. One man had sore throat
for a couple weeks. He believed it was just a cold, but he had been staying in
his small room for two weeks. He shot a video of his son’s panicky reaction
when he suddenly stepped out of the room; it was funny and sad at the same
time. Another couple was talking about how boring and suffocating the “home
arrest” was. They were desperate to go out for one breath of fresh air. There
was an event organized through social media that asked people to open their
window at 8pm and scream together, “ADD OIL WUHAN!” It was supposed to be
therapeutic, but it was quickly discouraged as it could be a way to spread the
disease through spits.
There has been a lot
of controversy about the quarantine. Some think that it should have done much
earlier without giving people a heads up and others think that it would not
play a big role in containing the disease since it had already spread to other
parts of the country. Only a few people commented on the 8-9 million healthy
populations that are still in there. Because of the shutdown of all public
transportation system, there are many people who cannot reach their elderly
parents who live at the other side of the city or in neighboring towns. And
what about the people who have a medical emergency like a stroke or a heart
attack. What about women in labor? How do they get to the hospital if they need
an ambulance or any kinds of transportation? The virus is killing others who
don't have the infection! The saddest situation is when there is an infected
person among the healthy. In one tragic case, a sick man moved out to stay away
from his wife and child, he went to the hospital every day to seek for
hospitalization, after a week of no avail, he had nowhere to turn and
eventually took his life. I tried to commit suicide 17 years ago, I know how
hard it is for someone to do that when they don't want to die.
The
5 Million
The 5 million people
who left Wuhan are in a very different situation that’s equally dire. For the
first pack of people that left Wuhan in early January, they had become public
enemies in their own village or home. Neighbors forcefully sealed their door
without making sure they had enough food to endure. Some returned home and
found out that their family would not receive them and they couldn’t even
return to Wuhan. There are videos of people calling the police when they see a
car driving on the highway with Hebei’s provincial plate, though it doesn’t
mean they are from Wuhan or have been to Wuhan recently. For the 300,000 that
left on January 23rd, they couldn’t find a place to stay because
their social ID card indicates where they are from. As soon as someone yells,
“these people are from Wuhan”, like a fire alarm, others either flee away or
beat them up.
Of course, among them,
there were people who already knew that they had contracted the virus and they were
recklessly spreading it to other parts of the country and the world. There was
a man who was bragging about taking Tylenol to bring down his fever so he could
pass the temperature test at the airport. Afterward, he posted pictures of his
feast in the name of celebrating his “triumphant accomplishment”. There was
another man that took the train along with hundreds of people to Tibet. He
immediately sought for medical help when he arrived. Prior to his arrival,
Tibet was the only province that did not have a confirmed case. Out of all the
provinces, he had to choose this virgin land. There was also a Taiwanese
businessman who had already shown symptoms, but he went to a morning market and
a night club before going to the doctor the next day. He asked directly for a
CT scan of his lung. The doctor was suspicious as to why he needed a CT scan
right away, he then reluctantly said that he had been to Wuhan recently. There
are many cases like this where people are assholes. What’s more disgusting are the ones who try to make money out of this by scamming people's donation or selling fake or used masks!
Help?
If this was written a
few days ago, I would have ended the article by asking someone, anyone to do
something to help. But today I realize that there is probably nothing that can
be done to help the people in Wuhan. As of yesterday, many more major cities in
China have been quarantined with even more strict and extreme measures. The
reason why Wuhan’s hospitals couldn’t receive enough medical supplies is
because other cities are dealing with their own hot potatoes, even though not
much has been reported from those cities.
Aids
from other countries are definitely needed ASAP, but how much can we expect
from others when they are preparing for the worst? Japan has a shortage of
masks after they donated a million to China. Their first death that’s directly
or indirectly related to the corona virus happened to a government official who
was in charge of the evaluation process. He committed suicide after being blamed for exposing Japan to a potential outbreak. . .
Final
Thoughts
This crisis has
changed most Chinese people’s value on what’s more important in life. People
suddenly realized that the thick pile of cash in their hands couldn’t buy them
a thin mask. While I am an ocean away from the epicenter, this crisis has
changed me as well. These two weeks, I found myself being less envious, less
resentful and less regretful about life in general. I ponder more on the value
of life and the well being of my loved ones.
Lastly, please pray
that this won’t be a global pandemic, please pray for the health care workers
who sacrifice their lives in this war and please pray that we can save lives by
preventing the virus from infecting our humanity. Though we as ordinary people
have very little control on how the outbreak eventually affect us, we have more
ability to prevent the loss of life due to causes that we cause.
LATEST UPDATES: February 7th, after being missing for two days. Chen Qiushi’s parents were told that their son had been “quarantined” at an undisclosed location. Another civilian reporter Fan Bing has also been detained. Please pray for their health and safe return!
This video published on January 30th has
generated over 1.9 million viewers so far. His name is Chen QiuShi. He was born
in 1985. He was working as a lawyer between 2015-2019. In recent years, he competed
in a reality show and became famous as a brilliant public speaker. He has a
social media channel that talks about politics, law, equality and share
ideologies that can be controversial at times. He lives in Beijing. After the
Wuhan’s quarantine, he was probably the only person who went into the epicenter
as a journalist. Here is what he shares in this viral video. He inserted a few
footage that he shot. I have marked down their time spots.
Hi everyone, my name is Chen QiuShi. It’s 11am on January 30th.
Today’s video is a bit long, thank you for understanding. My previous videos
were 5 minutes long max, that’s because my intended audiences were people in
China. I did not give much thought for people in abroad. Five minutes are the
max length that people in China can share their videos conveniently via Wechat. But now everything published by me have been deleted, when people share my videos on social media, their accounts are also deleted. One of my Wechat accounts are blocked and I lost many people's contacts. . . Therefore, this video is more for people outside of China. After I have
gone through so much in Wuhan, let me talk about what I saw these days. One
thing to keep in mind, I’d only share what I see with my own eyes and what I
hear with my own ears. I don’t talk about or use videos or pictures circulated by others online.
I have been here for 6 days. I have been to Wuhan’s hospitals,
the construction site, the local supermarket and even the
notorious Huanan Seafood Market. On Jan 29th, I went to Wuhan’s #5
hospital where allegedly many health care professionals were infected with the
virus. I was unable to ask or interview any doctors to confirm this allegation.
Every health care professional were extremely busy and tired. They were told to
reject every request for interview; allegedly they had to surrender their
cellphones.
The Lack of Supplies
A few non-government organizations had reached out to me.
They have been giving rides to health care professionals to work, others help
unload supplies and deliver them to various hospitals (public transportation
and regular delivery services are at a halt right now). I joined their Wechat
group and I could testify that these volunteers were really exhausted. Chinese
people no longer trust China’s Red Cross organization (due to a corruption
scandal a few years ago). Most of the packages are small packages that people
sent directly to the hospital. There are so many small packages of masks, gloves,
protection gears, etc. Volunteers have to open up those packages one after
another, put them into categories, inspect their quality, figure out if they
were the acceptable types, etc. It was extremely tedious. The best case
scenario would be having all of those life-saving supplies sent from a
certified source in bulk. During one occasion, policemen were asking the
volunteers for supplies, because they don’t even have anything! How is it that
the government is asking non-government organizations for supplies?! Anyway,
it’s a mess.
The Construction Site for New Hospitals
I also went to the construction site where they are building
two new hospitals with more than 2000 beds. (The goal is to finish them by Feb
5. As of today, it’s ready to open.) The construction runs 24/7. The
construction workers are extremely exhausted, but they are still able to get a
break in between shifts. The supervisors, however, have no time to rest. I
talked to one of the supervisors, his eyes were red and his voice was hoarse.
He said that he had not been home for 3 days, and he could only sleep 2-3 hours
a day. Workers said that they are local Wuhan residents. They are willing to
give up their life for the city. That’s one phrase I don’t fking understand,
why should they expect to sacrifice everything? (The worker force shortage is
due to the fact that many labors from neighboring towns and villages have left
the city before the Lunar New Year.)
Many people asked a stupid question: why can’t we turn
hotels into hospitals? Hospitals for contagious disease have a strict building
code. They have three zones: red, yellow, and green. People are placed into
different zones depending on the severity of their condition. Hotels are not
equipped for people who have been confirmed. They can only be used to quarantine
people. In a special hospital like this,
even the air inside the hospital cannot leak out. The air pressure outside
should be lower than the air pressure inside. Air can come in, but it cannot
get out. The plumbing system is also built to ensure that nothing contaminating
will pollute the water source. I am really worried that a construction project
with such complexity can be done well within such short period of time.
Transportation System is Completely Down
Yesterday, I went to Wuhan’s #5 hospital. There weren’t that
many people seeking treatment like previous days. There are a few reasons as to
why the number of people seeking treatment has dropped: 1) most people are
under quarantined. Many neighborhoods have locked their front gate. 2) the public
transportation system has been shut down. People don’t have the means to get to
a hospital. 3) even if you arrive at the hospital, you are not able to be
admitted. Instead you would be exposed with more pathogens.
I joined a Wechat group consisting of taxi drivers. Taxi
drivers are always the first group of people who are informed about things
happening in the city. They talk to lots of people every day at work. In
mid-December, they had already heard that there is an outbreak that’s similar
to SARS. They warned one another not to go to Huanan Seafood Market. I don’t
think Huanan Seafood Market was the origin of this outbreak. (In fact, Patient
zero had not been to that seafood market and 17 out of the first group of
infected patients had not been to that market). I don’t know where the virus
came from, but it definitely spread exponentially from Huanan Seafood Market.
Taxi drivers told me that there are more than 20,000 taxis
in the city, in which 6000 of them have been assigned as transportation during
the quarantine. There are four cars assigned for every neighborhood/community
consisting between 600,000 to 1 million residents. FOUR CARS! They are used to
transport goods and people who are in critical condition. Taxi drivers are not
given any protective gears, they have to get their own. How? It’s sold out
everywhere. To book these cars, people have to call their local community
office. It’s impossible to get through the line.
Private vehicles are also grounded. The only means of
transportation is bicycle now. A local lend me his electric motorcycle
yesterday. I saw many people walking on foot to go to the hospital. Wuhan is a
huge city. I feel like it’s even bigger than Beijing. That’s the main reason as
to why people can’t get to the hospital. The only means for them is to call 120
(like 911). It’s almost impossible to get through the line.
The Mass Number
[10:44 showing footage of the hospital]
I went to Wuhan’s #5 hospital yesterday. It was relatively
in order. I talked with people lining up for the test kit. I pretended to be
one of them. I asked them, “how many days have you shown symptoms? Is this your
first visit to the hospital? How many people are sick in your family? ” Some
people told me that they have been having a fever for a few days, though they
took some over-the-counter medications, the fever doesn’t subside. A triage
nurse said to one of them, “you are number 126, there is a test kit available
for you today. Go to the second floor…”
[11:23 showing footage of a health care worker being angry
toward a colleague. She said that she has been having symptoms of the corona
virus for a few days. She is really desperate because she can’t even get a bed
right away. ]
[12:59 showing
footage of oxygen tanks lining outside and inside the hospital.]
I went to another hospital that was much more chaotic. I
accompanied a suspected patient and his brother to find out what it takes to
confirm his diagnosis. There were people everywhere. They were lying on the
benches. Stretches were placed inside the hallway and even outside of the
bathroom. Over 60 people were hooked up to oxygen tank. Some people were
sitting in their car while hanging their IV bottom on a tree branch. Most
people were receiving IV on the stairs outside of the hospital. It was really
cold outside. The healthy brother said
to me, “if it weren’t for my brother, I would never choose to come here. You
really shouldn’t be here Chen.” When asking the doctor for a test kit, the
doctor said to the ill brother, “we need to assess your condition first. We
have to give priority to people who appear to be in more critical condition
than you are. We don’t have enough test kits.” Did you hear that? WE DON’T HAVE
ENOUGH TEST KITS! Therefore, many people stay home. Though they have been to 5
or 6 hospitals, they couldn’t get a test kit anywhere. Without the test kit,
they cannot be confirmed, without a confirmation, they cannot be admitted.
Every hospital I went to told me that they ran out of beds. That’s why they are
trying to finish building the new hospitals ASAP. At the end of the day, the two brothers went
home empty handed. The doctors and nurses were really kind and empathic to them
in spite how exhausted and how uncomfortable working all day being sealed
inside their protective gears.
Again, I only talk about what I saw and what I heard. I
spoke to another man. He’s in his 40s. He almost cried while telling me, “I am
coughing, I have been having fever for a week. My younger brother also has
fever, and so is my mother-in-law. The days before the quarantine, I had a meal
with my family; I also went to my in-laws’ home for a meal. I played Ma-Jiang
with my colleagues. I was in contact with almost 20 people. If I am a confirmed
case, what about all of these people? My family is doomed.”
the Only Front Line Reporter
I have been trying to reach other journalists in the city. I
tried to contact reporters from a Japanese newspaper. I want to chronicle
how they evacuate their citizens. I want to talk to their embassy to find out
what they know and how severe the situation is. The fact that each country is
evacuating their citizen causes more panic to local people. But, I was not able
to make that connection. Now that over 200 Japanese citizens have left the
city, it’s important to find out the percentage of infected cases among them. Try
to follow up on that!
Before I came, I tried to connect with the only media
channel in the city. I tried to learn something from them. I have not been
professional trained. I cannot do this with just a cellphone. But I couldn’t
get a hold of them. I tried to get in touch with other investigative reporters,
but none of them are here. Finally, I heard that there is a HK reporter that
lives in the city. After established contact, I asked him to share what he
learned with me and how we could exchange information. He told me that he had
not gone out for days. His company asked him to stay inside his hotel room. The
safety of their employee is their priority. “Chen, you have gone further than
any of us.” I connected with a journalist from New York Times. I was going through his Twitter activity, I
saw that he had not reported anything from any emergency departments. No one else goes to ground zero!
[21:00] I now know what it means to be a lone soldier.
[22:33 WARNING GRAPHIC IMAGE showing a deceased person in a
wheelchair, his family is holding his body up while calling the funeral home.]
That’s what I saw yesterday. I am a bit scared now. I feel
scared. People who went to hospital only because they knew that they had infected
the virus. Healthy people avoid going out altogether. I envy the reporters from
CCTV (China’s official news channel). They were wearing protective gears from
head to toe when interviewing isolated patients in the green zone, they
interviewed them via Skype. How risky was that?! I was in the Emergency
department. No one knew how many infected patients were in there. I only had a
pair of glasses and a mask. I had a coat. I sanitized it every day and hanged
it outside of my room. I smell like sanitizer. I am under a lot of pressure
right now. I feel like my breathing is a bit heavy right now, a bit of chest
pain, not sure if it’s because I was wearing mask 5-6 hours a day. Another
signature symptom of the virus is diarrhea. My digestive system was never well
before, I often had diarrhea.
Okay, I am going to end here. Again, I will only share what
I personally witness: lack of masks, lack of protective garments, lack of
supplies and most importantly shortage of test kits. Without using the test
kits, people are only suspected patients and they are sent home. But even if
there are enough test kits, they still need beds, equipment and doctors.
[25:40] I will try to be strong and resilient. The government official called me and asked me where I am. No one knows where I stay in Wuhan except one person. The
government spoke to my parents. My parents said, “I want him home more than you
do.” I have the virus in front of me and I have other troubles
behind me. But as long as I am still alive, I will continue to do my report to reveal the truth. I am not afraid of death, why would I be afraid of anything else?!
For almost 2 weeks, I have been watching and reading about the corona virus on different Chinese news channels and social media platforms. It’s the only thing I care about lately and I have talked so much about it that my non-Asian friends are sick over me. Most people don’t think this is a big deal and won’t believe in its potential. I have two Wechat groups with my closest friends who are Chinese. There are three types of people among us: 1) people who are hysterical, reading every article about the virus and sharing alarming messages to everyone; 2) people who think that the virus is nothing but a flu, therefore not digging into every angle of the matter; 3) people who are currently in China visiting their family. They only have access from “official” channels, therefore seemingly optimistic. I am the first group. I think this will be or already is, a crisis of historical scale on a global level and people here are not prepared enough. I am here to share what I learned so far. My sources come from: official news channels and programs in Taiwan, HK and abroad; Youtube bloggers and journalists who are in Ground Zero Wuhan; and official numbers and facts published by the Chinese government. I did not make up any of these. I am simply gathering all the information I found. Being fluent in both language and culture, I want to give you insights on what you don’t hear from local media. More importantly, I want to be a voice for people who live inside the epicenter. I hope you will share this to people who still don’t think this is a big deal. As you will find out, from one patient on Day 1, within 40 days, the outbreak was out of hand.
WHEN AND HOW
The first Wuhan patient was hospitalized on December 1, 2019. Then, four more were hospitalized on December 8. By mid-December, taxi drivers in the city started to warn among themselves to avoid going to Huanan Seafood Market, because after talking to lots of locals every day at work, they learned that there was a mysterious disease spreading from that market. My family first heard about this illness from one of our friends whose brother went to that exact market. He didn’t even get out of his car. He was waiting in the parking lot. He was one of the first 37 people to be quarantined.
By the end of December, a local doctor told his colleagues via Wechat group that there were 7 confirmed cases of corona virus in his hospital. It appeared to be similar to SARS. The second day, he was asked to submit a letter saying that it was a false report. On January 3, he was asked to go to the police station to sign an official document. He was warned not to spread any more rumours. Eleven days after his original discovery, this doctor showed symptoms of fever and coughing. He was sent to ICU on January 24th and remains there still. Aside from this doctor, there were 7 other doctors warning their network about this emerging disease. All of them received different degrees of discipline and no one dared to say anything anymore. There were many social media messages talking about their family members being sick. Doubts were raised about whether or not the government was hiding something. All of these messages and accounts were quickly deleted. It was then that the critical period to contain the outbreak was missed.
The end of December and the beginning of January was the busiest travel period in China. Countless people are on the road home for the Lunar New Year or travel to other parts of the world. Millions of people left Wuhan not knowing that they were carriers of this disease. If you look at China’s map. Wuhan is literally the heart of China. It has direct connections to 9 other provinces by flights, trains, highways and boats. It’s been found that more than 60,000 people have gone to Shanghai and 40,000 have gone to Beijing before the quarantine.
By Jan 10th, “rumours” were everywhere. The government had to say something. An announcement was made by a renowned medical specialist, he said that an outbreak is preventable and things are under control, it won’t transmit from person to person! Ironically, he was infected with the virus a few days later. Researchers in London and HongKong predicted that by Jan 17th, there were between 1300 to 1723 infected cases in Wuhan and 300 cases in other parts of China.
On Jan 19th, a local community held a huge feast to celebrate Lunar New Year. It was an epic pot-luck party, more than 40,000 family participated and 13,986 dishes were shared among them. The city also handed out 200,000 free admissions for people to visit over 30 attractions during the Lunar New Year. (People didn’t get a chance to use them because they were all shut down a few days later).
The most trusted epidemiologist in China, Zhong Nan Shang, played a pivotal role in the SARS outbreak in 2003. He was sent by President Xi to Wuhan. And on January 20th, Xi Jing Ping finally made his official announcement and demanded that every local government to take extreme measures to contain the virus, get to the bottom of it, maintain peace, etc. At the same time, scientists finally confirmed that the disease could spread from person to person, symptoms are very similar to SARS, the outbreak was worse than imagined. The “official” number of infected cases suddenly skyrocketed from 67 in Wuhan to more than 500.
This is a true story. You can Google "Chris Channon" to find a dozen news report about him and his story. I met Chris at work and ever since he told me his story, I have been telling it to everyone around me. Finally, I found the time to write it down and hopefully it will go even further.
I was once a successful business owner with two construction companies,
living a comfortable life for over 30 years. My three beautiful children were
my pride. A few years ago, I decided to devote my life to humanitarian work
serving in Africa and Southeast Asia. My background in construction enabled me
to help the local people build schools and hospitals. While working with
such a large number of refugees, I experienced humanity to its greatest extreme.I witnessed poverty,
brokenness, oppression and even genocide. I evacuated from Africa when the
nearby river was overflowing with bodies of innocent civilians.
In 2014, I took a break and planned a 3-month trip in Asia. This dream
trip would take me on an adventure of exploring, scuba diving and mountain
climbing. It would end after visiting the Great Wall of China. After six
amazing weeks in Manila, Bali and Kuala Lumpur, I made the untimely decision
to go to Thailand. I went to a pristine island called Koh Lipe located near the
southern coast of Thailand. It was an absolute paradise. In fact, it was so
beautiful that I decided to stay for two more days than I had planned.
On that fateful morning of August 14, 2014, I went to the local ATM to
withdraw a large amount of cash for an upcoming diving excursion. I remember
having an eerie feeling that I was being watched as I withdrew my money, but I quickly
brushed it off. I spent the rest of the day enjoying the sun, the sand and the
surf. After dinner at a popular seafood restaurant, I finished the day and was
on my way back to the hotel. As I entered into an unlit section of the beach, a
local man suddenly came from behind; he reached out to grab my wallet. I tried
to push him away and that was my last memory before everything went dark. (Later
the local police told me that they had found a lead pipe and my empty wallet
discarded on the beach. Around the same time, two other tourists were also
robbed and killed in nearby area.)
I opened my eyes and saw a galaxy of stars blinking like the purest
diamonds. The sound of the surf was really soft without the noise of the day.
For a few seconds, the beauty of the night made me forget where I was or how I
got there. When stabbing pain shot through my lower back I remembered the tide;
was it coming or going? Sheer terror and panic gripped me as I envisioned the
water getting closer and drowning me. I tried to get up, but my legs and arms
were completely unresponsive. I screamed and screamed, but only creatures of
the dark echoed my cries. I had never felt so lonely and hopeless. I cried and begged
God to rescue me. My faith was what carried me through all these years. I
thought it had already gone through enough trials to prove its depth. But the
true test had just begun.
As the dark sky turned a shade lighter, the surf receded. The stars
dimmed as if they closed their eyes to shun the next scene. Crabs, thousands of
them came from the shallow for their breakfast, along with the mosquitoes and
fire ants. They soon discovered that they had an exotic item on the menu ---
me. I was freshly seasoned by the saltiness of the sea. For hours, they feasted
on me. It was fortunate that I could no longer feel the rest of my body. But the
pinches and bites on my face were razor sharp. The horror of being eaten alive
slowly was worse than death itself. I pleaded with God again, how could he keep
on watching this when the stars even took pity on me.
This next part was the highlight of my entire journey. However, you
might argue that I was delusional and hallucinating, but to me, it was more
real than anything I could physically see or touch. I heard a deep and firm
voice from above or from within that said, “I will never leave you nor forsake
you.” It was one of the most assuring promises of God that I always meditated
on. After hearing it, I was embraced by a wave of peace that stopped me from
fearing. Shortly after, a pack of stray dogs came out of the bushes. Just
when I thought they were joining in the feast, they rubbed their furs against
my wretched body, they licked my face and they swept the little monsters away. For the next while,
they just leaned on me like they were my pets. Their warm bodies covered me
like a blanket. I soon passed out or perhaps I fell asleep. . .
A squeaky scream woke me up, I saw a local man with his dog from a
distance. Just when I wanted to call for help, “my dogs” got up and went
towards the man. He threw rocks at them and ran away frantically. The dogs left
me for good. My hope reignited as I saw the sun climbing up from the horizon, I
would eventually be rescued as more people come to the beach. A few minutes
later, another local man discovered me. When I called on him, my voice was so
hoarse that I didn’t sound like a human anymore. In his eyes, I saw a
reflection of my gruesome and disfigured body. I could understand why he too
ran away in terror. My survival depended on the mercy of a Good Samaritan. A
couple from New Zealand taking a mid-morning stroll on the beach spotted me and
came to investigate. I used my last bit of energy to beg them for help.
Thankfully I could communicate with them and convince them that I did not come
from the sea. The husband took off to find help while his wife stayed to guard
me. She managed to pour water into my mouth. I can still remember clearly how
refreshing and sweet that water was; they tasted better than the morning dew.
When the local police officers showed up on the beach, they could only speak
in Thai. They did their best to figure out what happened to me. Meanwhile, I
was surrounded by a bunch of curious and gossipy bystanders. Everyone had their
own theory of who I was. Some looked at me as if I was a mermaid. After
what seemed like hours, they placed me on a sheet of plywood and balanced me on
the sidecar of their motorcycle. They took me to the local clinic. The nurses
on duty had no idea what to do with me. They placed me on a cold steel table
and did their best to comfort me. I looked at the clock; it was 12:00 noon. The
local police continued to interrogate me and I was questioned for over two
hours.Even though I had no idea what
they were saying, I think they suspected me of being a drug dealer, they probably thought my
paralysis was due to some kind of drug or horse tranquilizer.
The decision was made to send me to the mainland. A local fisherman was
hired. Four hours later, I was carried to his boat. As I was being loaded, they
dropped me. I believe it was the first time in my life that I have ever passed
out from pain. The waves were treacherous, and with every bump I was a step
closer to the gate of heaven. It took well over an hour to reach the mainland. When
we arrived, I was loaded into the bed of an old pickup truck and taken to the
city hospital in Pak Bara. The doctors did their best on assessing my injury. I
was sent for x-rays. My poor body was being tossed and twisted on the table for
at least two dozen times before I was told that the x-ray machine did not have
film in it and they had to redo the whole frigging thing!
I was then loaded into an old ambulance and taken to a bigger hospital
in the city of Hat Yai. Upon arrival, I was quickly assessed and after
receiving both an MRI and CT Scan, it was determined that my 4th
cervical vertebrae had been shattered; my C5 and C6 were compressed together.
FINALLY, a C-collar was placed around my neck. I needed emergency surgery to
assure my best chance of recovery, but I was worried that they did not have the
best neurosurgeon for the job. Coincidentally, a top neurosurgeon from United
States was in town giving a lecture that day! He played a big role in directing
my surgery and ultimately, it was a success.
I remember waking from surgery gagging on the incubation tube placed in
my throat and thinking at least I was alive. The doctor asked if there was anyone he
could call for me and, soon after, I was finally connected with my family. Obviously frantic with
worry and concern, they began making arrangements to get me home. The doctors decided to
transfer me to Bangkok. Two weeks into my recovery, I was propped up in my bed;
and for the first time I was able to wiggle my big toe. I cried like a baby and made the bold
statement that I would walk again. After four weeks, I was finally well enough to travel home to
Toronto. I was immediately taken to Sunnybrook where I spent eight days, and then I was admitted to
Toronto Rehab-Lyndhurst Center for 16 weeks of rehab.
As tough as my rehab was, going home was by far the toughest war I
had ever faced. The physical challenges were overwhelming, but the mental and
emotional obstacles were even worse. I
went through all the stages of grief, as well as dealing with loss of dignity,
invasion of personal space, loss of control, loneliness, regret, and pity.
Fighting and defeating these battles took the greatest amount of strength and
faith I could muster. . . I am now four years post injury. What slowly and
gradually turned my life around was reaching out to my peers and being active
in the SCI community. When I realized that I could still give and serve, I
regained my purpose and meaning in life. Among the many advisory boards and
projects that I am involved with right now, my greatest fulfillment comes from
being a peer support volunteer at Spinal Cord Injury Ontario. I surely hope
that my story and resilience will inspire many to never give
up and to fight courageously in their own battle. Sometimes I still think about the magnificent stars on the night when I lied on that beach. It was the dark sky that made their twinkles shining so brightly.
